Kel, Queen of the Sewer Rats, and other ideas
by queenbecca
Summary: A few dumb fic ideas that wouldn't really work but would be funny is they did. (This is OLD, and embarassing. wince)


DISCLAIMER: I of course own nothing but the stupidity of this ...er... piece of work.  
  
NOTE: I didn't intend this to be a free bank of fic ideas, they're all stupid anyway. I was just really bored in Spanish class and feeling slightly insane, so these just sort of... came out. ^^  
  
MORE NOTES: These are meant to be funny and/or stupid. Please don't assume I actually expect these to make any sense at all. These are all seperate ideas that sor of link up... but not really. Each little paragraph is seperate. Not a *list* of course... just a gathering of ideas. ::looks guilty::  
  
YET MORE NOTES: I'm rather obsessed with k/n stuff so expect to see a lot of that. No k/c or k/j here...  
  
  
  
IDEA #1   
  
Neal elopes with Uline, so Kel runs away from the palace and goes to live in the sewers. She is crowned Queen of the Sewers by the sewer rats. ^_^  
  
  
  
IDEA #2  
Alanna (inexplicably) falls in love with Stefan, moves with him to Sarain (again, inexplicably) and is immediatly attacked by Buri. Stefan leaves Alanna for Buri and Alanna goes to live in a tree with squirrels.   
  
(You may have noticed the theme of a haertbroken heroine going to live with animals...)  
  
  
  
IDEA #3  
Jump gets rabies and bites off Neal's head, so Kel preserves it and goes to befriend Numair so he can bring him back to life. Numair conjures a body for Neal and sews on his head. Then   
(for no reason at all) an evil mage appears and ressurects Neal before Numair can. he turns Neal evil and Neal proceeds to take over the world.  
  
  
  
IDEA #4  
Numair is captured by the Carthakis, who shave his head as punishment for his *crimes* against the emperor. Broken at the loss of his beloved hair, Numair tries to commit suicide by jumping off Balor's Needle (Really, Numair. There are more creative ways of killing yourself!) but he is stopped by Kel, who happens to be up there, doing something with a girl and a dog. Kel re-habilitates Numair, and he sets off to get Daine back, for she has left him for Lord Wyldon (and we all thought n+d had an age gap!). Numair blasts Wyldon to bits but accidently destroys Daine as well. He pieces her back together, but she mysteriously becomes blonde and ditzy (sorry blondes.. no offense ment. I know you're not all ditzy.) so he leaves her for Alanna and they battle the Queen of the Sewers for possesion of Corus. They lose, and all Tortallans become slaves to the Sewer Queen for all eternity.   
  
  
IDEA #5  
Kel is forced to settle for being a desk knight's squire because Lord Raul had fallen in love with a giantess (other than Kel, that is). Kel, in her misery, finally snaps, and burns down the library in a psychotic rage. Wanted by the Tortallan government, Kel flees to Carthak where she works in the new palace. She befriends an old *slave* who is the real Queen of the Sewer Rats, and is taken to the Divine Realms where she is made Goddess of Stubborness. She brings Neal up to marry her, and he becomes Tall Man, God of Annoying People. They have a kid who is so messed up that she throws off the whole balance of the earth, and it blows up and everyone dies!  
(MORAL: Annoying people should never marry)  
  
  
IDEA #6  
Alanna grows a third arm and is driven out of Corus by the terrified townsfolk. She journeys to Carthak (there's antoher theme, running away to Carthak) and bribes Emperor Ozorne to help her remove the growth by promising to marry him. AFter the extra appendage is removed, Alanna breaks her promise and runs off with Kaddar (she's how much older than him?). They settle in the Copper Isles and raise bull terriers.   
(Where did Jump come from? Now we know!)  
  
  
IDEA #7  
Kel eats too much paper and goes insane, so she kills Jon and then Thayet goes crazy too. Kel and Thayet meet up with Buri and feed her paper until she also goes insane. The three maniacs roam the countryside, kidnapping people and turning them into more paper to eat.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
There... hope you liked it. Please review! ^^ 


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